Perhaps you despise them, perhaps you don’t care. Regardless of the what’s and why’s, here a some ways you can absolutely ruin someone’s day, ensuring them a bag of bad luck, death or maybe an even worse fate.
Get your evil Christmas presents from gettingpersonal.co.uk.
Warning: before you go ahead with ruining someone’s day you should consider that, if they ever fall to your malicious design, you will have to live with that guilt forever… forever… forever… the echo is for dramatic effect.
A wallet with no money
Buying someone a wallet without any money in it will basically ensure that person never has any money ever. You are condemning them to abject poverty.
If you do put money in, make sure you put in an even number. Giving someone £10 is a horrible thing to do. You shouldn’t even be thinking about it, you monster.
Give everyone knives for Christmas
A gift of a knife or a pair of scissors suggests that you want to cut off your relationship with that person. Give a knife to everyone, but pass it handle first because you should never forget safety.
If they try to give you a coin in return it’s because there the superstition states that it counts as paying then and not a gift. If they hold out their hand with pennies in it, punch them in the hand. It’s also bad luck to get punched.
Umbrellas make it rain on your happiness
Giving someone an umbrella as a gift is back luck for them. Opening an umbrella inside is bad luck. Disguise a closed umbrella as a different kind of gif and then make them open it indoors while you rejoice. Sing that Rihanna song for dramatic effect.
Death Clocks
In China, the phrase ‘to give a clock’ sounds the same as ‘to attend a funeral.’ No one has ever specified why exactly that means it’s bad luck, and there can never be a reasonable explanation why they didn’t just make two phrases, but if you get someone a clock you might as well be saying that you want them to die.
Conversely, watches don’t make people die, so make sure you don’t get them a watch, or you risk getting someone a nice gift.
What Four?
East Asian communities sometimes have superstition surrounding instances of four. This is called tetraphobia. If you wanted to ensure absolute destruction of the soul, you should buy your dearest East Asian an umbrella, a wallet with no money in, a knife and a clock.
Evil planning - complete.
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