‘Five things I want my children to know about me and why.'

I was just going through my Google Reader and commenting on blogs, entering comps and just passing happy moments while the weekend draws to a close.
My children are nearly at the end of the half term and soon back to mammoth revision and deep learning in readiness for GCSE's. We have been through a tough few weeks with bereavement, friends illnesses, a schoolfriend still missing and as I type I want them to go into this hard graft at school with as little worry as possible.

I came across the Friday Club  and this topic caught my eye and I wanted to be a part of it despite it being a Sunday!!!
So here are five things more thoughts that you both may not know>

1. Paige and Conor you know I am totally into you I waited so many years just to meet you, you are my deep deep love. You have my total admiration and real respect for the good lovely people you both are.

But you may not know I am shit scared that we will lose this "miracle like" closeness, (I am still amazed by it as you are in your teens and we still get on)that we will become distant like I was and am with my Mum.
 I never had this with anybody before you and your Dad, that is sometimes why I insist on "family" meal times, you coming out shopping with us us being together like today just to make the most of the closeness and also thanks as you do it when sometimes you perhaps don't want to.

2. You think you are breaking rules, living, daring more than anybody else, but I have been there, done that, got the t shirt, the scars and oh I have possibly done it bigger and badder than you too. Have I got tales to tell!

3. .(Maybe you know this one but just in case...)
Whatever you do  know there will be shouting, know there will be screaming, but know I will fight your corner and die for you if need be. I will always try to make you do the right thing, it may be tough love but it will always be love.

4. I respect that you are waiting for so many things like I never did, you are approaching relationships with maturity and caution, so far sensibly, you talk to me about your new likes and loves and I am feel so fortunate that you share your secrets. Its really special to feel the newness and excitement and remember how it feels.

You don't know but I never was this clever, I was  far too young looking for love in other places as it was lacking at home and mistaking kind words and compliments for that love.

5.  OK this one is really honest, I am occasionally jealous of your lives, I know we have talked about jealousy being OK and accepting its not necessarily  a good or bad thing but just a real emotion.

I envy you having a fab Mum (hehe) an amazing truly kind Dad that's here alive and kicking and loving you.

You may ache sometimes for the Grandparents that you so enviously look at in your friends lives and want, (God how I want this for you too) but you have great honorary Aunts Uncles and my cousins who adore you and look out for you.

I am jealous of your real sense of purpose, your being grounded, cool and genuine people.

But then I don't feel jealous for long as I realise your dad and I played a part in this so there!

There maybe you always have known this deep down, but just in case here it is.